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27 May 2011 @ 12:07 pm
counterfeit  

I’ve been giving a lot of though to the subject of passing. As euphemisms go, it’s fairly benign, but I hate it. As analogies go, it’s gross. What do we pass? The buck. Pass the buck. We pass money—counterfeit money. When you pass, it’s like saying you’re not genuine. Like being white, or straight, or sane—that’s genuine. And if you’re not that, you’re fake. You’re not real.

A still from 'Spartan'
A still from Spartan, my go-to film for Val looking handsomely pensive.

I want to be real.

A still from 'Thunderheart'
All my armor falling down.

Sometimes I don’t feel real. I feel empty, a shell full of sticky scratchy insulation—something manmade, mostly air. When what you are exists only as a counterpoint to the norm, it’s difficult to feel real.

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current mood: depresseddepressed
 
 
 
a girl with far away eyes: Spartanvodkaplaid on May 29th, 2011 01:52 am (UTC)
"Passing" makes me think of life passing by, too. Like sitting in your house, knowing there is sunshine and fun out there and you just can't join in, even though there's a part of your brain that wants to.

When you don't feel 'real' what do you do? Sleep? Write? Cry? Scream?

Not only does Spartan Val look pensive, but he looks like he's trodden in something that he shouldn't have :)
the kilmer cure: forgive me father for i have sinnedthekilmercure on May 29th, 2011 12:58 pm (UTC)

"Passing" makes me think of life passing by, too.

I like that a lot. I mean, it's awful, but it's a good point, one I hadn't thought of.

When you don't feel 'real' what do you do? Sleep? Write? Cry? Scream?

Mope, mostly. :P

Not only does Spartan Val look pensive, but he looks like he's trodden in something that he shouldn't have :)

He looks like he needs a hug! Luckily, I am available for hugs.